Why do some people have sexual anxiety？

Why do some people have sexual anxiety？ One of the most common causes of sexual anxiety is unknown anxiety, the fear of ignorance that makes people anxious.

Sexual anxiety is the emotional state of anxiety, anxiety and uneasiness of sexual behavior, accompanied by palpitation, sweating and other vegetative nerve symptoms and muscle tension, sports uneasiness. Sexual anxiety patients in sexual intercourse (even as long as the thought of sexual intercourse), will appear involuntarily tension and anxiety, sometimes as long as the opposite sex kissing, hugging or being touched will trigger anxiety. At this time, the phenomenon of rapid heartbeat, sweating and sexual behavior itself produces different excited response, because it has obvious unhappy and helpless.

One of the most common causes of sexual anxiety is unknown anxiety, the fear of ignorance that makes people anxious. For example, some girls heard that the first night of virginity is very painful, but also bleeding, so they will associate with foreign body insertion, resulting in injury; Some girls because do not know the correct method of contraception, resulting in accidental pregnancy and abortion, so will be linked to sexual intercourse and pregnancy, as long as feel that partners want to have sex, began to anxiety; There are also some girls who strongly link sexual intercourse with disease and feel that sexual intercourse will definitely make her sick, so they have sexual anxiety.

The second common reason is ideological anxiety, which is influenced by strict family education and kidnapped by morality. For example, premarital sex has serious consequences. That sex is dirty; Women who are sexually active are shameless; Women can not enjoy sexual pleasure, otherwise it is a bad woman; Even weirder is the feeling that if you have sex, you are giving your body away and your partner will no longer take you seriously. And so on. Women with these beliefs are often caught between their distorted beliefs and their real needs, and may even suppress their own physical desires and criticize their needs, leading to anxiety before sex.

The third common reason is situational anxiety, because before a certain sexual behavior happened unpleasant scene, such as: caught by family, seen by children, even outsiders and so on, so after each sexual life is always scared, can not enjoy.

Four of the common reasons is the body and mind anxiety, men in physical anxiety is usually worried about erection or premature ejaculation, and women in physical anxiety is afraid of pain, vaginismus to the most serious grade, even thigh muscles will spasm pain. But a decade of sexual research has confirmed that somatic phenomena such as ED in men and vaginismus in women also have psychological causes. In the process of psychological therapy, therapists often help the parties recall the early traumatic memories in the hypnotic scene, and after repair, the physical problems are easily solved.

How can women reduce anxiety and be more active in sex?

Fantasy, vision, hearing, touch, smell, and taste are all important elements to turn you on sexually.

If you or your partner has appeared more severe state of anxiety, you can solve itself may not be got, different from ordinary people unless you have the patience, and with some psychotherapy training, otherwise the best partner for counseling, yes, two people together, consulting multiplied effect.

If it’s not that bad, you’re just too shy and passive, or you’re just too unresponsive during sex, or you’re slow to wake up and always feel unprepared, there’s a lot you can do during foreplay arousal. One of my favorite methodologies is that of Emily Nagoski, a famous American doctor of sexology, who put forward the “dual control system” that veteran drivers should pay attention to when driving: the accelerator and the brake. Her analogy is simple: if the brakes don’t come off, it’s useless to refuel, and the accelerator idles and hurts the engine. If the brakes are loose, the gas pedal has to match to accelerate the car.

The accelerator is all kinds of sexual stimulation to get you excited, mainly referring to the five senses and the most powerful sex organ in our body: the brain. Fantasy, vision, hearing, touch, smell, and taste are all important elements to turn you on sexually. But because everyone’s preferences are different, everyone knows their own throttle best, and others can only guess and try to find the right throttle. But if you don’t know where the throttle is, then you’ve been locked away for too long and really need to increase the opportunities and ways to explore yourself.

And the “brake” system is most related to our anxious sisters, that is, usually before love, has unconsciously stepped on the brake, so the body and brain are not warm up, and the way to improve is to find their own brake reasons, targeted adjustment can be.

Dr Nagaski’s research found eight common female “brake panels” : 1. Low body confidence; 2. Fear for one’s reputation; 3. Negative thoughts about sex; 4. Worries about pregnancy and contraception; 5. Fear of being played by your partner; 6. Worrying about what your partner thinks of you; 7. How your partner starts having sex; 8. Negative feelings at the time.

Of the eight brakes, usually in my consulting room, I would recommend visitors self-examination and digging these negative thoughts and feelings, the mind of “negative” changed to “positive”, as long as you learn to believe that the nature, this beautiful, the sun, slowly can remove some unnecessary brake system.

For the actual practice in the boudoir, both the anxious person himself, and his partner, can do the following actions to improve:

First, breathe deeply at the same time. This is the most important and basic skill in sex, when two people reach the same frequency orgasm of the unity of spirit and flesh, two people will naturally form the same frequency breathing. We are better to use it in advance, at the beginning of sex, with each other’s breathing rhythm, with suction and exhalation with suction and exhalation, slow suction and exhalation slow suction and exhalation, not only can help themselves or each other calm and relax, but also can enhance the feeling of love between two people;

Second, communicate deeply. If you want to be one body, be one heart. In a relaxed chat, express your concerns, let go of your worries about the other person’s evaluation, and be honest about your fears. One of the best moments of sex, isn’t it, is being able to show your vulnerability to someone you trust the most?

Third, at least 15 minutes of foreplay. Do you and your partner prefer a role-play scene, a hot look, a groan in their ear, the movement of their fingertips, a special smell, or the taste of their tongue? Is it easier to get lost in romantic candlelight, jazz music or humorous love words? If you can treat every sexual encounter as an adventure, and foreplay is so intense, who can resist being passive?

In a word, there is no such thing as a small universe that cannot be ignited, and if there is, it must be really not enough！

How does sexual anxiety undertake psychological treatment?

It can be a long and challenging process to recover from stress and anxiety and regain a relaxed pace of life and self-worth.

A. By far the most ecologically safe treatment for sexual anxiety in psychology and sexology is “cognitive behavioral” therapy, and the most integrated and effective approach does incorporate the Buddhist practice of mindfulness. Mindfulness-cognitive behavioral therapy is one of the best ways to treat sexual anxiety. It mainly includes the following steps:

1. Cognitive restructuring (attitudinal change) : Adjusting how you perceive your sexual problems. Often, it’s like, “If I perform badly (not strong enough, ejaculate too early, or delay ejaculation), my sex life with my partner is over…” Then write down what constructive alternative ideas you intellectually believe, such as: “If I focus on pleasurable feelings and focus on feelings and experiences, my partner and I will enjoy sexual intimacy immensely no matter how my penis behaves!” Develop a new attitude that is both beneficial and diverse. This may start with some discussion and learning with a sexual partner or a professional therapist (CBT).

2. Practice Mindful Masturbation: Before masturbating, read your Constructive Attitude (starting with # 1). Breathe slowly and deeply. Carefully examine areas of muscle tension throughout your body and then relax one area at a time. Then create vivid images in your mind when having sex or romance with your partner. Slowly masturbate and touch other areas of the body and focus on the image. Give yourself plenty of time. Don’t worry. Most importantly, focus on the pleasurable sensations – touch, sight, sound, smell and taste – that you experience in the image or body, as well as the pleasurable emotions – excitement, familiarity, enjoyment.

3. Remain mindful while being intimate with your partner: Do you have to do enough masturbation exercises to become good at relaxing physically, focusing on pleasant feelings and emotions, and letting go of unpleasant thoughts and feelings? Before you can start practicing with your partner. If possible, communicate expectations with your partner first. It’s important to slow down and let go of your sense of purpose. Focus on the overall pleasurable experience, rather than always thinking about insertion. Even if the first few moments of intimate sex don’t involve penetration, it’s still great.

It can be a long and challenging process to recover from stress and anxiety and regain a relaxed pace of life and self-worth. If you feel that you are tired and lonely, please do not hesitate. A professional sexual therapist is always your most private and reliable tree hole, as well as an efficient charger.